The Mr Peabody & Sherman Show: Comeback Girl - Qin Shihuangdi
by KoolGuyXYZ
Summary: The Petersons return to NYC after 3-and-a-half years in LA, but unfortunately for them, they come in just during the messiest episode ever, plus a love triangle. / Qin Shihuangdi wants to build a Great Chain Link Fence of China instead of the Great Wall, but "WHAT ABOUT THE TOURISTS!" Sherman x Penny. Some very mild romance. ("Season" 5, Episode 2)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks for viewing my other story! It means so much to me. I love writing fanfiction, and I love making fanfiction. This is going to be one messy episode! And comic hijinks and hilarity will ensue! Also, it's time for one of the most loved characters, besides the titular characters, was a major character in the movie, so I don't know why she didn't return for the Netflix show, but that's why we have fanfiction! Also, Mr. Peabody and Sherman will meet Qin Shihuangdi, the first emperor of China, in the year 220 BC for a time travel adventure you will have to read to find out about. Lights, cameras, ACTION!**

* * *

 _(Cue the "The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show" theme song by The Outfit and intro sequence.)_

 _(As the studio audience goes wild with applause, Orchoptitron starts the show.)_

Orchoptitron: Ladies and gentlemen, DreamWorks Animation proudly presents your hosts: Mr. Peabody and Sherman!

 _(Mr. Peabody walks down the left staircase, with a calm and confident smile on his face, a fork in his left hand, and a butter knife in his right hand. Sherman, with a big fat smile on his face, walks down the staircase. Both of them end up center stage, still smiling, as the audience continues clapping.)_

Mr. Peabody: Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show! Since, as you all know, I am a master gourmand, we will do an episode on historical foods!

Sherman: And don't forget about our time travel adventure! It's really exciting, and it all really happened!

Mr. Peabody: So anyways, we'll bring along some famous chefs and people who invented great foods, and some of the most palatable dishes in history. So get ready, prepare your taste buds, and have a _slice_ of history! _(BA DUM TSSS)_ To ret-

 _(The elevator opens to reveal Mr. Hobson, who has arrived with his son, Bird Baby. He walks out.)_

Mr. Hobson: Mr. Peabody! Mr. Peabody! Bird Baby has suddenly become an extreme food lover overnight! Literally! Yesterday, he would only eat worms, and today, he's suddenly enjoying truffles!

Mr. Peabody: Oh, that's wonderful! Now, go on over to the interview space… _(He drags Mr. Hobson over there by his feet, and then continues.)_ Now, Sherman, the time travel envelope please.

Sherman: I'm on it! _(He gets out 5 overly huge cakes, custom-baked for this occasion by Marie Antoinette.)_ Placed underneath each cake is a time travel envelope. 5 contestants will be given one cake each, and the first one to eat the entire cake and get the envelope out wins! Oh, and lifting the cake, throwing it out, eating only the bottom, and finding any way to grab the envelope without first consuming the entire cake is disqualifiable conduct. Me and Mr. Peabody will be two of the contestants, and the other three will be volunteers. So, anyone-

 _(The elevator opens to reveal Penny and her family, standing in the elevator. When they come out, the audience claps for them.)_

Penny: Hi! Long time no see!

Sherman: Oh, hello there! You came back from your 3-and-a-half-year business stay in Los Angeles!

Mr. Peabody: Oh, that's- _(He does a double take, looking at Sherman the second time with a shocked facial expression.)_ Why didn't you tell me?! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT SHE WAS MOVING TO LOS ANGELES?! I ASKED YOU WHEN WE WERE IN TOKUGAWA-ERA JAPAN WHILE VISITING KOIKAWA HARUMACHI! _(Everyone laughs.)_

Sherman: Sorry, I didn't feel like sharing it…

Paul: Wait, you now have a TV show?

Patty: That is one big audience!

Penny: Yes. It's on the top of the television listings, along with _The Walking Dead_ , _Game of Thrones_ , _Supergirl_ , and my favorite: _Looney Tunes_!

Sherman: You can volunteer as the other three contestants! And I think Maria Garcia will make a good referee!

 _(Maria Garcia walks down from the audience, onto the stage, and gets ready to explain the rules to the University of Michigan fight song.)_

Maria Garcia: There are 5 large cakes. Placed underneath each cake is a time travel envelope. 5 contestants will be given one cake each, and the first one to eat the entire cake and get the envelope out wins! Oh, and lifting the cake, throwing it out, eating only the bottom, and finding any way to grab the envelope without first consuming the entire cake is disqualifiable conduct. The first one to eat the entire cake and raise the envelope in the air wins! I, as the referee, will be keeping my eyes all five contestants: Sherman Danger Peabody, Hector James Peabody, Penny Picklejuice Peterson, Paul Pieface Peterson, and Patricia Puddle Peterson!

Penny, Paul, and Patty: _(simultaneously)_ How do you know our full names?!

 _(The audience laughs.)_

Maria Garcia: That doesn't matter now! Now, on your mark… get set… GO!

 _(The entire group of contestants starts eating their cakes to awesome rock surf music. Two minutes in, and Penny can barely eat anymore, and Paul and Patty can't catch up to Mr. Peabody and Sherman, who are in a close race to the finish.)_

Sherman: Om nom nom! You may be a master gourmand, but you will never beat me!

Mr. Peabody: Munch munch munch! Dream on, but you can never beat me! I am a master gourmand, after- _(Sherman raises the envelope in the air. Everyone claps for him.)_

Maria Garcia: Sherman wins!

Mr. Peabody: Now, Mrs. Hughes, please.

 _(Mrs. Hughes comes in to notarize the envelope. She is wearing an avocado suit. Everybody claps for her.)_

Mr. Peabody: Here's the envelope please! _(He gives the envelope to Mrs. Hughes, who stamps the envelope. Everybody claps.)_ Mrs. Hughes, ladies and gentlemen! _(She wheels away. Mr. Peabody goes over to his circle chair, and opens his envelope.)_ Oh, this one's nice!

* * *

 **(A/N: The Petersons have returned to the Big Apple, and luckily, they came when volunteers were needed. Unfortunately, they returned in an episode where the topic is bound to get messy. How well will they fare, and will they make it out of the episode without a pie in their faces or bruises and stitches? And exactly what could go wrong? And what will go wrong? Anyways, come back later for an exciting time travel adventure with China's first emperor, Qin Shihuangdi!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**PART 2**

 _(The screen shows Mr. Peabody and Sherman in the WABAC, heading to their destination in space and time.)_

Narrator Peabody: Sherman and I set the WABAC to the year 220 BC in ancient China.

Sherman: Are you sure we should see Qin Shihuangdi? I learned in history that he was a bit mean.

Mr. Peabody: Don't you worry, I know how to stay on everyone's good side and make friends with anyone who's even slightly affable.

Narrator Peabody: But unfortunately and spontaneously, we unexplainably crash-landed.

 _(Mr. Peabody and Sherman arrive in China, and they fly in the WABAC, but crash land in front of the entrance to the Emperor's building, inside the palace walls. Cue the stereotypical Chinese riff, followed by a gong and some stereotypical Chinese music.)_

Sherman: Ow, my head! That crash landing hurt! Geez, I can even _hear_ the Asian-ness of this place!

 _(Meanwhile, in the imperial palace, a panicked bodyguard decked in Qin Dynasty armor comes in to talk about something to Emperor Qin Shihuangdi, a tall, bearded man with a permanent scowl, a slight Fu Manchu mustache, and a confident stance.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: My most trusted bodyguard, Wúnéng, what bothers you?

Wúnéng: A star fell out of the sky! It's got to be an omen that China will, too! Emperor, emperor! Mayday! The barbarians shall destroy us!

Qin Shihuangdi: Simple: build a large chain link fence! That'll keep those invaders out!

 _(Mr. Peabody and Sherman are listening in.)_

Mr. Peabody: Uh oh, this doesn't sound good.

Sherman: What? Is it the nomadic tribes around China bringing it down?

Mr. Peabody: No. Without the Great Wall, tourists, including us when you were six, will never flock to see the Great Wall by the millions each year!

 _(They knock on the door.)_

Sherman: May we come in?

Wúnéng: No! You can never come in, awful barbarians!

Narrator Peabody: So, we had to find a way to sneak in. Just then, I saw an open window to a room with nobody in it. _(Mr. Peabody and Sherman sneak in. Cut to them in the throne room.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU GRINGOES?!

 _(Sherman silently gestures Mr. Peabody to make a break for it by pointing his thumb behind him.)_

Mr. Peabody: Don't worry; I know how to stay on his good side. _(He turns toward Qin Shihuangdi.)_ Oh, hello there! We are just here for a tea talk.

Qin Shihuangdi: How do I know you aren't trying to get something from- A TALKING DOG?! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS IS MADNESS! THIS IS ABSOLUTE MADNESS, YOU DOG!

Sherman: _(aside)_ He called Mr. Peabody a dog! _(beat)_ What he said was absolutely accurate.

Mr. Peabody: Oh, yes. I may be strange, but reassured, I am no danger to China or the emperor, your majesty. To prove it, here's a cute fluffy kitten. _(He gives the kitten, a young Dragon Li cat, to the emperor.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: _(He hugs the kitten in adoration, hearts in his eyes.)_ Aww, so fluffy! What a cute widdle fluffy fluffball! I'll name you Wang-Wang!

 _(Sherman giggles a bit.)_

Mr. Peabody: Get your head out of the gutter, Sherman!

Qin Shihuangdi: Alright, onto the tea talk.

Narrator Peabody: So, we headed over to a large room to talk about matters.

 _(They walk over to a large room with a table, and then start drinking some tea.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: So anyways, talking dog…

Mr. Peabody: I'm Hector. Hector Peabody.

Sherman: And I'm his adopted son, Sherman!

Qin Shihuangdi: Huh, strange.

Mr. Peabody: _(He whispers in Sherman's ear.)_ See? Told you, I was able to stay on this guy's good side.

Qin Shihuangdi: You know, once, I had a very hard time finishing a puzzle with 10 pieces. I finally finished in 10 months. Oh, and by the way, the box said it would take 2-5 years! Woo hoo, Qin Shihuangdi! Anyways, I have a plan for the greatest, coolest fence in history: The Great Chain Link Fence of China! It will run along the northern border of China, and it's a chain link fence! Look… or is it hear, or smell, or touch, or taste, or… whatever, smell, it's even in the name! It'll be made of iron, because iron is dank and nice and cool, bro! The barbarians can't climb over it, and neither can their dumb horses! Oh, and put land sharks on top on the fence posts. Land sharks are darn scary. It'll be historic… and historically AWESOME!

Mr. Peabody: Uhh, nice…?

Qin Shihuangdi: Yeah, totally! And the first to sign it will be my favorite celebrity, Jia-tsing Biya! _(He holds up a poster of the Justin Bieber ersatz.)_ Second will be cute little Wang-Wang! Third will be you and Zhe Ming-

Sherman: It's Sherman, not Zhe Ming.

 _(Mr. Peabody looks out the window to see and hear Jia-tsing Biya, who looks like if Justin Bieber was Chinese, singing to a crowd.)_

Jia-tsing Biya: _(to the tune of the chorus of "Baby Baby" by Justin Bieber)_ Oh, yodel, yodel, yodel lay / Oh, in my hair's a bit of hay / Oh, I don't know what this all means / But who gives a farting farty fart?

 _(Everyone throws rotten tomatoes at Jia-tsing Biya.)_

Jia-tsing Biya: Hey! Stop it! I sang well!

Qin Shihuangdi: Oh, I think it's going very well out there at the concert!

Sherman: _(sings along)_ Oh, yodel, yodel, yodel lay / Oh, in my hair's a bit of hay / Oh, I don't know what this all means / But who gives a farting farty fart?

 _(Mr. Peabody facepalms in disappointment. Sherman dabs in celebration of his "good" singing.)_

Narrator Peabody: But the emperor seemed too dumb to change his mind about the Great Chain Link Fence of China, and I did not even get a chance to speak up. With China's future tourism department in jeopardy and the nation under the mercy of a dumb emperor whose only good field was military strategy and whose most trusted bodyguard's name indicated his low IQ, things might not be so great.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **(A/N: Huh, so Qin Shihuangdi is acting very OOC, and this version of him is so insanely dumb that he's fanboying over some terrible singer! Will the Great Wall ever be built? Can Mr. Peabody and Sherman do it for the tourists? And just what could go wrong?)**


	3. Chapter 3

**PART 3**

 _(Fade to the studio, where Mr. Peabody addresses the audience with a smile.)_

Mr. Peabody: Hello, everyone! Now, for our first guest, the first king of the Shang Dynasty and the inventor of ice cream, welcome King Tang of the Shang Dynasty!

 _(King Tang steps out of the WABAC with 94 servants who help him make ice cream, known as ice men.)_

King Tang: _Ni hao_ , everybody! I am King Tang of the Shang Dynasty, glory of the Middle Kingdom! And today, you'll learn how to make my favorite snack: ICE CREAM! _(His eyes sparkle.)_

Mr. Peabody: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

King Tang: Ice men, go gather some ice-

Mr. Peabody: Oh, we have a machine for that in the modern day. You put water in ice trays, then you put it in the freezer, then it freezes into ice, then you put the ice cubes in a container, then-

King Tang: Alright, then. _(Turns towards his ice men)_ You can have your lunch break now. _(The 94 men go into the WABAC and go back to their era. King Tang turns around, removes a giant pot out from his pocket, places it on the floor, and pulls out a giant spoon and some ingredients.)_ So you put in buffalo milk… _(He pours a carton of buffalo milk into the pot.)_ …camphor… _(He pours a jar of edible camphor into the pot.)_ …flour… _(He pours a bag of flour into the pot.)_ …and ice. _(Mr. Peabody runs offscreen and come back onscreen with a big bag of ice. He gives it to King Tang, who thanks him before pouring the ice in.)_ And then, YOU STIR! _(He wildly stirs as if he was a machine and bits of ice fly out. The tickle belt music from SpongeBob plays as he mixes the ice cream. After mixing it up, he scoops two scoops of ice cream up, puts them in waffle cones, and tops a cherry on each cone.)_ VOILA! Ancient Chinese ice cream! _(He runs offscreen, and then comes back onscreen on a horse-drawn carriage, with the ice cream truck song playing.)_

King Tang: It's all free! All you have to do is get in line!

 _(Everyone rushes to the line. First in line are Sherman and Penny, and directly behind them is Maria Garcia. King Tang's hand reaches out of the carriage to give them the ice cream.)_

Sherman and Penny: _(simultaneously)_ Thanks!

 _(They head to a sofa to eat. But just then, Bird Baby swoops in and eats the ice cream right off their cones, those poor kids. They start crying immediately. Meanwhile, closer to the main camera…)_

King Tang: _GASP!_ He stole! He didn't get in line!

Bird Baby: Uhh… sorry! I just like ice cream so much…!

King Tang: GET IN LINE FOR ICE CREAM!

Mr. Peabody: Uh oh, King Tang of Shang just went berserk!

Bird Baby: Okay… I'll get in line.

 _(One hundred waits in line and one million grams of sprinkles later…)_

Servant: A prophecy for the emperor!

King Tang: Yes? _(He takes the cracked tortoise shell with engraved Chinese symbols on it and reads it.)_ Hmm… soon, you will have bad luck, very bad lu-

Bird Baby: SUGAR RUSH!

 _(Cue the Benny Hill theme. Bird Baby flies in crazed patterns around the penthouse from the one million grams of sprinkles, knocking over bookcases, breaking lamps, and causing the circle chair Mr. Peabody sits in to crash down to the floor and start rolling at a fast pace. King Tang tries to run from the chair, but gets crushed by it. Mr. Peabody, Sherman, and Penny are running away from the chair. Cut to show a paper-thin King Tang.)_

King Tang: Oh goodness.

 _(Meanwhile, back at the chase…)_

Sherman: RUN!

Mr. Peabody: Why is it always me getting the short end of the stick?!

Penny: Oh my goodness! First, I get chased around in Ancient Egypt, and then I almost cause the Trojan Horse to roll off a cliff, now I'm being chased around by a giant egg?! The Fates must like fooling around with me!

 _(Cut to across the room; the Fates of Greek myth are fooling around with Penny indirectly. One of them is repeatedly plucking Penny's string of life as if it were a guitar string.)_

 _(Cut back to the chase.)_

Mr. Peabody: AAAAHHHH! Technical difficulties screen! TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES SCREEN!

 _(Show the technical difficulties screen, which in the center, there is a text box saying "TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES PLEASE STAND BY". Cue "Spanish Flea" by Herb Alpert. About 10 seconds in, the screen fades out.)_

 _(Cue the "Welcome Back!" screen.)_

Mr. Peabody: Hello everybody, and welcome back! We just got the problem fixed up, and now, Sherman and his friend, Penny, are eating ice cream together on a bench.

 _(Cut to them eating ice cream on a bench. A heart shape floats upwards, but just then, Shelby and Sandy notice this and become jealous.)_

Shelby: GASP!

Sandy: Arrgh!

Penny: _(turns around, enraged)_ NOT YOU!

 _(Penny, who is in an extreme rage, walks up to the stage audience in an extreme unstoppable rage and puts Shelby and Sandy in a chokehold. Orchoptitron plays angry heavy instrumental metal music.. A raging flame background replaces the backdrop of the penthouse as Penny's rage is shown in "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure" style and a love triangle, I mean, love quadrilateral, is born.)_

Penny: You… YOU STOLE MY LOVE WHILE I WAS GONE! You thieves! Dirty knaves! Why did… why did you?! You will pay, I swear! You dogs! You don't know how much I will wreck you! How could you be so atrocious?! Not even a garbage can would want to smell your blabbering words! I'm never telling you that I kissed Sherman in the sunset before I left for LA!

Sandy: You… already told… us!

Penny: Nobody care- _(shocked, mistaking Sandy's cornrows for caterpillars)_ Caterpillars on your head?! _(screams in panic)_ I HATE CATERPILLARS! Sherman!

Sherman: AAHH! CATERPILLARS! _(slaps Sandy's head repeatedly, mistaking her cornrows for caterpillars)_ AAHH! GET 'EM FOREVER! SANDY! THERE'S CATERPILLARS ON YOUR HEAD!

Mr. Peabody: Well, Penny's a lot dumber than I remembered her.

 _(The whole audience laughs.)_

 _(Sandy, mistaking Penny for a jerk, tries to punch her, but punches Shelby instead. Shelby slaps Penny in the face. A cloud of dust forms around them as the fight rages on and the serious music stops, replaced by the Benny Hill theme. Sherman tries to stop the quarreling, but it's too late now, so he runs away.)_

Sherman: AAAAHHHH!

Mr. Peabody: God help us for heaven's sake! AHHHH! Somebody!

Shelby: I WILL HAVE SHERMAN AT ALL COSTS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAAAH!

Sandy: I deserve Sherman more than you creatures!

Penny: Who did you call a creature?!

 _(The entire audience gasps.)_

 _(Christine walks through the elevator door. She tries to intervene through the fighting. Cue the Benny Hill theme.)_

Christine: Hey! Stop it, children!

Mr. Peabody: The one time where an interruption turns out to be useful.

 _(A fist rises from the cloud of dust and punches her. She runs after the fighting girls, who run away from her, and Sherman runs away from them.)_

Mr. Peabody: AAHHH! A love triangle! I mean a love quadrilateral! Well, while ***pant*** Christine ***pant*** handles ***pant*** this ***pant*** we'll ***pant*** return ***pant*** to ***pant*** the ***pant*** time ***pant*** travel ***pant*** story…!

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **(A/N: Well, now, a love quadrilateral has formed, and things don't look too well. Meanwhile, in the time travel story, how will Qin Shihuangdi ever be convinced to build the Great Wall? And what wackiness lies ahead of them? Find out in the next chapter of the story!)**

 **(A/N: Sorry that I made one of your favorite (?) characters in the movie a dummy and not just someone with average intelligence, but I wanted to make things funny, plus, Sherman is dumber in the show than in the movie. No offense to anyone, and especially no offense to any blondes who are reading.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**PART 4**

 _(Fade into Mr. Peabody, Sherman, and Qin Shihuangdi having a tea talk.)_

Narrator Peabody: Sherman and I tried to convince Qin Shihuangdi to build the Great Wall of China, but he was too dumb-headed to hear any of it, and he was fixated on the performance of his favorite pop star, Jia-tsing Biya. I came up with a brilliant plan: Wait for Jia-tsing Biya's concert to end, hope my brain didn't implode from the terrible music, and then suggest the Great Wall to Qin Shihuangdi.

Jia-tsing Biya: _(singing)_ La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

 _(Everyone throws rotten tomatoes at him.)_

Jia-tsing Biya: Okay, okay! I never practiced, okay, okay! _(He runs away.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: Jia-tsing Biya really does have a flair for the dramatic! That's one reason I love him so much!

Sherman: Yeah! _(singing)_ La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

 _(Mr. Peabody cringes.)_

 _(Qin Shihuangdi and Sherman give each other a high-5 due to their similar [and awful!] taste in music.)_

Mr. Peabody: Now if you'll excuse me, Your Majesty…

Qin Shihuangdi: Yes? Do you share my taste in music? Jia-tsing Biya's so cool! _(singing)_ La la laaa, da doodly da! I don't know what this, doot doodly doot, what this means, but an apple popper hatty thingy doodly pop!

 _(Mr. Peabody is sweating and cringing.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: HIS MUSIC IS SO EPIC! You wanna know what's even cooler? BOK CHOY!

 _(Qin Shihuangdi eats and swallows an entire can of bok choy. The stink foghorn plays as the smell of bok choy makes Sherman faint.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: Wanna know what's the best food in the world? Deep-fried tarantula! _(He eats a deep-fried tarantula, much to Mr. Peabody's disgust.)_ C'mon, it tastes like crab! Even better with a side of eggs preserved and left to spoil in black tea, lime, ash, and salt for months! _(He eats another tarantula, this time, with a century egg, as it is called.)_

Sherman: Eww! He's like the poor taste of Marco Polo combined with the dumbness of Lady Go-

Mr. Peabody: Shhh. It may smell bad, but you don't want to offend this guy.

Qin Shihuangdi: For my guests, a dish of bok choy salad with 100-years aged blue cheese dressing with a complementary side of deep-fried tarantulas on a skewer with a century egg omelet!

 _(Mr. Peabody and Sherman eat the dish reluctantly. They gag on it.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: How's it going?

Mr. Peabody and Sherman: _(simultaneously, trying to fake a smile)_ GOOD…!

Qin Shihuangdi: Good! Someone with a refined taste like me, at last!

Mr. Peabody: Now that we have time, well, I think a Great Wall would be better than a Great Chain Link Fence. First, people are going to be able to climb to the top of the fence.

Qin Shihuangdi: Which is why I'll station land sharks on top?

Mr. Peabody: Second, land sharks don't ex-

 _(A land shark, basically a great white on 4 dinosaur legs, comes in and attacks them.)_

Mr. Peabody: THEY DO! THEY DO!

Qin Shihuangdi: Wuneng! Get in now! We have a land shark emergency!

Wuneng: Yes, coming! _(He smashes his head into the land shark's head, which does knock the land shark out, but also causes Wuneng to faint.)_

Mr. Peabody: Oh boy. Well, second, if land sharks can be knocked out so easily, it might just be better to use people instead, but people can't stand on fence posts.

Qin Shihuangdi: Simple! Give the land sharks armor!

Mr. Peabody: They're too aggressive! That one almost killed you!

Qin Shihuangdi: Humans tamed wolves! Why not land sharks?

Mr. Peabody: Okay, but I think they're better off in watchtowers with archers riding them than on fence posts.

Qin Shihuangdi: Oh, and lastly?

Mr. Peabody: Well, a great wall is going to aid your tourism department.

Qin Shihuangdi: Hmm… Sounds good, but foreigners are dirty scum!

Mr. Peabody: Not all of them are. For example, I am from a continent across the Pacific, but I am very friendly, rest assured.

Qin Shihuangdi: Okay, but the Mongols are attacking from the north!

Sherman: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TOURISTS?!

Qin Shihuangdi: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE INVADERS?!

Mr. Peabody: Okay, maybe set up a passport system for trusted allies?

Qin Shihuangdi: Alright, but first, I really have to make an offering to the porcelain throne! I like you guys, but no visitors are allowed in the palace building when I do a number 2! Bye!

 _(He runs off to the bathroom. Mr. Peabody and Sherman walk out.)_

Sherman: Why does he have that rule?

 _(A fart cloud spreads to the hallway they are in.)_

Mr. Peabody: Based on my deductions, _this_ is the reason why. _KOFF KOFF! GASP!_

Sherman: Eww! _(He faints.)_

Narrator Peabody: Qin Shihuangdi didn't allow any guests or visitors into the palace when he was in dispose due to his, ahem, terrible bung blasts. Unfortunately, this was also the reason we had to wait so long, due to his terrible habit of stalling on the toilet. We couldn't wait for 2 hours for him to do a number 2. So for the future of China's tourism department, we had to come up with a plan, and come up with a plan fast.

 _(Fade out of the scene.)_

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **(A/N: Qin Shihuangdi has really gone off the deep end in terms of IQ, bad taste, and toilet humor! How will Mr. Peabody and Sherman ever convince him to build the Great Wall? What wild plan is going to be hatched by their wild brains? And how deeply insane will things get? Find out in the last part of the time travel adventure!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**PART 5**

 _(Fade to the studio, where Mr. Peabody addresses the audience with a smile.)_

Mr. Peabody: Hello, everybody! The fight only got even worse, and Christine could not help! It's time for Sherman's Corner!

 **Sherman's Corner**

Sherman: Here's how I usually break up fights between my friends when nothing else works.

 _(He runs into the middle of the fight and he does the chicken dance solo, and sings the lyrics.)_

Sherman: _(singing)_ I don't wanna be a duck, I don't wanna be a chicken, I just wanna be me! I don't wanna be a duck, I don't wanna be a chicken, I just wanna be me! I don't wanna be a duck, I don't wanna be a-

 _(He gets sucked into the fight. Orchoptitron plays silly music to the fight.)_

Sherman: AGH! OOF! OW! AGH! THAT HURTS! Huh, the chicken dance usually works.

Mr. Hobson: Hey! I'll help! _(He tries breaking up the fight, but gets sucked into the fight. Cue 20 seconds of fighting, covered by a cloud of dust.)_

Mr. Peabody: We'll be right back after the commercial break!

 **We'll Be Right Back!**

…

 **Welcome Back!**

Mr. Peabody: Welcome back, everyone! As you can see, I was able to quell their conflict by splashing cool water on them. They did seem to still have disdain for each other, though. So anyways, here are our next historical guests: the world's first fusion cook and famous Italian merchant, Marco Polo! And please also welcome the founder of the Yuan Dynasty and the emperor whom the aforementioned Marco Polo met in China, Kublai Khan!

 _(Marco Polo walks out of the WABAC.)_

Marco Polo: Hey-yo, guys! Oh, it's you, Hector and Sherman! Long time no see, eh? It's time you meet my friend, well, it's more like a master-and-subject relation, but meet the Great Khan!

 _(Cue the stereotypical Chinese riff as Kublai Khan exits the WABAC.)_

Mr. Peabody: That theme isn't supposed to be playing! He's not Chinese! _(beat)_ Well, to be fair, he is the emperor of China at Marco Polo's time.

Kublai Khan: Hello everybody, and BARBARBARBARBARBAR! _(Everybody laughs.)_ You looking so excited! Well, Marco Polo cooking good food up! I loves his food! I beings Kublai Khan, emperor of Yuan Dynasty! Ready, setting, goes!

Marco Polo: So, make the dough for the pizza! _(He makes the dough.)_ Then, toss it! _(He tosses it in the air while doing Pee-Wee Herman's dance.)_ Then, you put the tomato sauce on! _(He smears the tomato sauce all around the pizza dough, except for the crust.)_ Then, the cheese! _(He throws grated mozzarella cheese all over the pizza.)_ And now, to top this off… _(He puts minced tarantula and crumbled stinky tofu on the pizza. He then puts the gross Lovecraftian horror of a pizza into the oven, and then in a few seconds it dings, and there's the pizza.)_ Here! My specialty: Tarantula and Stinky Tofu Pizza!

Audience: Eww!

Kublai Khan: I try you pizza! _(He takes a slice out of it.)_ Yum yum, it tastes like heaven!

Mr. Peabody: Try again, Marco Polo.

 _(The tickle belt music from SpongeBob plays as Marco Polo tries making new foods.)_

Marco Polo: Blah blah blah blah… _(covered in dust as he makes the dish)_ Bird's Nest and Meatball Soup! It has the actual nest of a cave swift in it!

Kublai Khan: I try you soup! _(He tries it.)_ Yummy!

Mr. Peabody: Try again.

Marco Polo: Blah blah blah blah… _(covered in dust as he makes the dish)_ Pigeon Meatballs and Moldy Noodles Drizzled in Szechuan Sauce!

Kublai Khan: I try you meatballs! _(He tries it.)_ Yummy!

Mr. Peabody: Try again.

Marco Polo: Blah blah blah blah… _(covered in dust as he makes the dish)_ Sautéed Slimy Silkworm Drizzled in Marinara Sauce!

Kublai Khan: I try you silkworm! _(He tries it.)_ Yummy!

Mr. Peabody: Try again.

Marco Polo: Blah blah blah blah… _(covered in dust as he makes the dish)_ Tarantula Meatballs on a Skewer Drizzled in Cave Swift Saliva!

Kublai Khan: I try you skewered meatballs! _(He tries it.)_ Yummy!

Mr. Peabody: Try again.

Marco Polo: Blah blah blah blah… _(covered in dust as he makes the dish)_ Dumplings Stuffed with Authentic Italian Meatballs!

Kublai Khan: I try you dumplings! _(He tries it.)_ Yummy!

Mr. Peabody: Hmm… Actually sounds appetizing! _(He tries it. The silly music stops.)_ Mmm, delicious!

Marco Polo: Bye, dudes and dudettes! It was- _(looks out the window)_ Ooh, what do you call this city of lights and crystals?

Mr. Peabody: Oh, that? That's New York City.

Marco Polo: Oh yes! Marco Polo loves New York City! I think wanna move here! _(He gestures Kublai Khan to come over to the window.)_ Look, this city's nice! I think we should move our pleasure dome atop the roof for a better view!

Kublai Khan: _(He looks outside)_ Me think us move to New York! Me like New York! You right! Me be right back! _(He leaves to order his servants to get the pleasure dome into present-day New York. He comes back in the WABAC, and following him is a primitive crane carrying his entire pleasure dome, which breaks through the ceiling.)_

Mr. Peabody: AAAHHH! STOP IT! _(Dust everywhere. The dust settles, the palace has been moved, Marco Polo and Kublai Khan have already moved to the roof, the hole in the roof has been repaired, and the construction crew goes back to ancient China.)_

Mr. Peabody: Well, Kublai Khan moved his palace to the top of the apartment despite my pleas. Now, history's gonna be ruined forever if I don't somehow find a way to get him back to the right- _(Loud saloon music, specifically a piano rendition of "Camptown Races", plays from the palace.)_ AAAGH! My ears! Wait- this doesn't even match the music of China _or_ Mongolia!

Sherman: Who cares? This is nice music! _(He uses a periscope coming out of nowhere to peek into the bar section of the palace, which has a glass dome. [A glass dome?! What?!] A bar fight rages on in the bar.)_

Sherman: Ooh! This makes me want to make this place the Wild West! Oh Sweet Tune! Bring the Wild West to the apartment!

Mr. Peabody: NO!

 _(Sweet Tune plays the first few notes of the "A Fistful of Dollars" theme. The area is instantly turned into a hot desert with cacti, rattlesnakes, and the elevator instantly looks like it belongs in the Wild West. The rest of the theme plays.)_

Penny: It's too steaming hot in this room! And I never came for darn rattlesnakes!

Paul: Please help me! I hate rattlesnakes!

 _(Captain Cools is sweating and groans before all his fur burns off of him, leaving him without his fur.)_

 _(Out of the WABAC comes Billy the Kid, with a water pistol.)_

Patty: AAHHHH! Oh wait, a water pistol is just a water- _(She gets launched to the other end of the room with a water pistol. Billy the Kid then ties her up.)_

Penny: _(fearful)_ NO! MOMMY!

Sherman: _(missing the point, due to his IQ of 2)_ Ooh! A real Wild West movie!

Penny: Umm, this is real life! _(Zoom out to reveal they are, in fact, in a cartoon Netflix series. The viewers on the couch watching this Netflix series are Li Shang, Mable, Kid Danger, and Hiccup.)_ This isn't some kid's cartoon or movie or whatever. _(The studio audience laughs.)_

Sherman: _(looks out the screen)_ Actually, it's a safe bet that we are in a kid's cartoon, based on the time bar and Netflix logo. But alright, I'll help you. _(His hand reaches out of the TV screen.)_ Hey, dudes! How's life?

 _(The viewers all scream and run away from the sofa. Zoom back in to TV screen mode.)_

Sherman: Alright. _(He ties a pool noodle into a lasso.)_ Hey-yayayayaya! _(He throws the lasso, only for Billy the Kid to use it against him to tie him up.)_

Mr. Peabody: NO! SHERMAN! SHERMAN! _(He turns towards the audience.)_ While we get this problem fixed up, let's hear the rest of the time travel adventure!

Billy the Kid: I'll have my revenge!

 _(Fade out of the dusty scene.)_

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **(A/N: Oh my, the situation has really escalated! First, the Petersons got in during a particularly messy topic, then a love triangle formed, then Kublai Khan moved his palace to New York, then the Wild West came to the penthouse?! Oh boy. Meanwhile, in the time travel adventure, expect silly hijinks to ensue.)**


	6. Chapter 6

**PART 6**

 _(Fade in to Mr. Peabody and Sherman outside the palace building.)_

Narrator Peabody: Because of Qin Shihuangdi's really terrible farts, we were now trapped outside the palace. I knew that only visitors were banned when he was doing a number 2, but how would we get in?

Sherman: Good question!

Mr. Peabody: Can you let me think for just one second?

 _(He looks around for a bit. He has a confused look on his face, complicated math problems appearing in front of him.)_

Narrator Peabody: Just then, I saw two imperial architects, who had about the same heights and body types as me and Sherman.

Mr. Peabody: See those two guys?

Sherman: Who are they? Hmm… they're wearing black silk turtlenecks, they have glasses on, and they are carrying blue sheets of paper. Hmm… maybe those two are Sheldon and his cousin.

Mr. Peabody: No, they're the imperial architects! Let's sneak in!

 _(They sneak in. The two architects standing there, Chun [who has Mr. Peabody's body type, but human] and Huo [who has Sherman's body type], stare confused.)_

Chun: Did you just see something?

Huo: Must have just been a bug. Those appear all the time.

 _(Look from outside. Mr. Peabody and Sherman fight Chun and Huo; the fight scene covered in dust.)_

Chun and Huo: Ow! Ow! Ayee! Gah!

 _(Cut to inside the palace. Mr. Peabody and Sherman are disguised as Chun and Huo.)_

Mr. Peabody: _(faking Chun's voice)_ Your Majesty, we have something urgent for you to see!

Qin Shihuangdi: _(from inside bathroom)_ Yes?

 _(These sounds are only audible from outside, but the emperor flushes the toilet, sits for 10 more seconds, farts, flushes again, pulls up the pants under his robes, washes his hands, and gets out of the imperial restroom. He does not recognize Mr. Peabody or Sherman, so he doesn't act nice to them because he thinks they are Chun and Huo, and Chun and Huo never gave their emperor a kitten.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: Chun? Huo? What brings you two dimwits here?!

Mr. Peabody: Actually, this He Tuo guy and his son, Zhe Ming, told us about their idea. We could improve upon that idea a little bit. First, where will you find enough iron for a giant fence, let alone a giant wall?

Qin Shihuangdi: Hmm… I don't know.

Mr. Peabody: Which is why we should make it out of stone. Stone is more plentiful than iron.

Qin Shihuangdi: Okay, next reason?

Mr. Peabody: Second, land sharks are just too aggressive to be tamed and too easy to be knocked out. How about you try a combination of foot archers and horse archers?

Qin Shihuangdi: Good idea for some nitwits!

Mr. Peabody: Third, have you thought about how your soldiers will get on?

Qin Shihuangdi: Uhh… no?

Mr. Peabody: Then, try putting stairs on the Chinese side of the wall, so that only Chinese soldiers can get on the-

 _(Suddenly, his disguise gets stolen by a mysterious figure.)_

Qin Shihuangdi: _(angered)_ You! It's the nerd dog and his gringo son! You disturbed my number 2! YOU COULDN'T WAIT ANOTHER 4 HOURS?! The cat you gave me was cute… _(His eyes turn into heart shapes upon mention of Wang-Wang.)_ …and he's a widdle floofballie! _(He is focused again on his anger.)_ But this is ENRAGING! I SHALL HAVE YOU BEHEADED! AND _BEBUTTED_!

Narrator Peabody: My disguise was busted.

Mr. Peabody: Uh, sorry… This... uh…

 _(The army of the Xiongnu, a nomadic tribe that launched attacks on China during around the time period that Mr. Peabody and Sherman are currently in and until the Han Dynasty, storms the palace.)_

Narrator Peabody: Sadly, so was the palace. If we did not do something about it now, that fateful minute would have also been China's last.

Generic Xiongnu Soldier: Haha! I stole your disguise, you dog!

Sherman: HE CALLED DADDY A DOG! _(beat)_ That was totally true…

Qin Shihuangdi: AAHHH! I WAS WRONG WHEN I SAID THAT THESE BARBARIANS COULD NEVER TAKE MY EMPIRE DOWN!

Wuneng: _(from the other room)_ AAHHH! I WAS RIGHT!

Mr. Peabody: Think… think… think…

Sherman: They're everywhere! I think I'm gonna blow bricks outta my bottom!

Mr. Peabody: _(A paper lantern lights up above his head.)_ Aha! _(He turns Sherman around so that his butt faces the Xiongnu army.)_

Sherman: _(He freezes up in fear.)_ Please! Somebody rush me to the restroom! I'm too scared to move!

 _(Mr. Peabody gently lowers Sherman's back and knees so that his knees are slightly bent and his butt is pointed towards the barbarians. He poops bricks out of his backside, and they shoot at the barbarians; the pooping is making a shooting sound.)_

Mr. Peabody: Fire in the hole! _(He picks up Sherman by the torso and swings him back and forth. The Xiongnu army is being decimated.)_

Sherman: AAHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME! TOO MUCH ADRENALINE! What are you doing, Dad?!

Mr. Peabody: Look behind you. _(Sherman looks behind him and sees the barbarians getting knocked out one-by-one by the bricks he's pooping out.)_

Wuneng: You can do it, guys!

Mr. Peabody: FOR HISTORY! _(Sherman continues pooping out bricks. In 10 seconds, the last soldier is struck down.)_

Mr. Peabody: _(taunting the Xiongnu army with a James Bond one-liner because he's so bada**)_ You're just another brick in the wall.

Sherman: Woot woot!

Qin Shihuangdi: _(humbled)_ I was about to bebutt you, but now that you have saved me, I will let you live. _(crying tears of joy)_ How could I ever repay you?

Mr. Peabody: You don't have to.

Qin Shihuangdi: Aww, thanks! You can have Wang-Wang ba- Oh, you're a dog. _(Beat. He realizes what he said and blushes.)_ Sorry! That came out wrong.

Qin Shihuangdi: You can have this: a porcelain vase! Plus, a porcelain figurine of me!

 _(He hands the vase to Mr. Peabody. It has an ornate dragon design on it. He then hands the porcelain sculpture of himself to Mr. Peabody.)_

Mr. Peabody: Thanks! Oh, and by the way, I am a time traveler from the far future. I have traveled to many time periods, from the beginning of the universe to the very late 20th century A.D. I shall now give you a gift from the future of your country. _(He hauls a mannequin wearing Ming Dynasty armor out of the WABAC.)_ This is a set of genuine Ming Dynasty armor.

Qin Shihuangdi: Ooh! Nice! Thanks!

Sherman: _(crying)_ So… moving…

 _(Cut to Mr. Peabody and Sherman walking out of the imperial palace.)_

Sherman: Wow! That was so exciting! Armies, and emperors, and the Great Wall…

 _(Chun and Huo walk past.)_

Chun: Umm, why am I in my undies?

Huo: What happened?

Mr. Peabody: The emperor found out the bare-

 _(Sherman trips over his shoelace and lands lower-jaw first.)_

Sherman: OW! MY CHIN!

 _(The end-of-story black screen crawls up on Sherman.)_

Mr. Peabody: NO! NO! THE PUN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE "The emperor found out the bare naked truth!"

Sherman: Sorry!

 _(The black screen closes in on Sherman.)_

 **TO BE CONTINUED**

* * *

 **(A/N: And that is how Mr. Peabody and Sherman helped Qin Shihuangdi with the Great Wall. Anyways, how bad will things go in the penthouse? What will the result of the Wild West disaster be? And exactly what silly shenanigans are Marco Polo and Kublai Khan up to inside the pleasure dome? Find out in the next and final chapter of this fanfiction!)**

 **(A/N: To be clear, Qin Shihuangdi wasn't insulting Mr. Peabody when he said it wouldn't be wise to give him back Wang-Wang because Mr. Peabody is a dog, and there was no Freudian slip there.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**PART 7**

(Fade to the studio, where Mr. Peabody addresses the audience with a smile.)

Mr. Peabody: Hello, everybody! Uhh… as you can see, things have really derailed here.

 _(Pan to show Penny, Shelby, and Sandy in a three-way proxy Mexican standoff. Penny's proxy is Annie Oakley, Shelby's proxy is Billy the Kid, and Sandy's proxy is Jesse James.)_

Orchoptitron: A battle for the love of Sherman! The belligerents are Penelope Peterson, Shelby Sanderson, and Sandy Zippity-Licketty-Chicketty-Zoppity-Bop-Bop-Bop!

 _(Everybody laughs.)_

Sandy: Orchoptitron! How did you find out my name?!

 _(Orchoptitron plays the "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" theme.)_

Annie Oakley: You dirty scoundrels will get what you deserve!

Penny: Go tell 'em, girl!

Billy the Kid: Ha! Dream on!

Shelby: HAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAAAH!

Jesse James: Who ya callin' a scoundrel?!

Sandy: Yeah! _(aside)_ I hired this guy just because he was the only one left after Penny and Shelby chose their proxies.

 _(They continue in their Mexican standoff. It seems like Jesse James is going to pull the triggers [it's three-way, so he has 2 water guns] first, but then…)_

Annie Oakley: BOOM! _(She pulls the triggers first. Billy the Kid and Jesse James literally are knocked out of the apartment through the window.)_

Orchoptitron: Penny wins!

Penny: I win. I'll show you sissies the door.

Sherman: WOO HOO!

Mr. Peabody: Keep in mind that the penthouse is still in a state of chaos and still needs to get fix-

Marco Polo: _(from upstairs)_ Can you buy me a potato, a flashlight, a banjo, a Native American headdress, an eraser, and 500 kilograms of crushed banana?

Kublai Khan: _(from upstairs)_ Me would, but me just realized that us has no way downstairs!

Marco Polo: _(from upstairs)_ Make stairs?

Kublai Khan: _(from upstairs)_ It would work, but me seen mechanical metal box room thingo! Metal box room be faster!

Marco Polo: _(from upstairs)_ Okay… _(poof of magic)_ I have a blueprint!

Mr. Peabody: Argh! So noisy! If only we were able to get them back to their time period!

Sherman: That's our show! Goodnight, everybody!

King Tang: _(offscreen)_ Zài jiàn… everyone… ugghh…

 _(Meanwhile, in the pleasure dome…)_

 _(The credits are rolling. Kublai Khan and Marco Polo are puzzled over the blueprint, and in the background, the music from the credits of the episode "Peabody's Parents / Galileo" plays. In the background, a barely-audible bar-fight [Barely-audible?! Impossible!] rages on.)_

 **See Ya Next Time!**

 **CAST:**

 **Chris Parnell as Mr. Peabody**

 **Max Charles as Sherman**

 **Ariel Winter as Penny**

 **Stephen Colbert as Paul**

 **Eden Sher as Patty**

 **Abigail Zoe Louis as Shelby and Sandy**

 **David P. Smith as Orchoptitron, Qin Shihuangdi, & Mrs. Hughes**

 **Dieter Jansen as Mr. Hobson, Bird Baby, and Chun**

 **Charles Adler as Huo**

 **Mark Moseley as King Tang**

 **ADDITIONAL VOICES:**

 **Kari Wahlgren as Maria Garcia**

 **Nolan North as Marco Polo**

 **James Earl Jones as Kublai Khan**

… **and many more.**

 **Casting by KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Directed by KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Written by KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Storyboarded by KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Theme Song & Media by The Outfit**

 **Animation by DHX Media Vancouver**

 **Executive Producer: Tiffany Ward (not involved)**

 **Producer: KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Executive in Charge of Production: KoolGuyXYZ**

 **Mr. Peabody and Sherman are based off the characters and format created by Ted Key.**

 **Based on "Peabody's Improbable History" from the series "The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" produced by Jay Ward**

" **The Mr. Peabody and Sherman Show" is owned by DreamWorks Animation, DreamWorks Animation Television, DreamWorks Classics Productions, Jay Wards Productions Inc., DHX Media, and Netflix**

 **Copyright 2016 KoolGuyXYZ Productions**

 **All Rights Reserved**

* * *

 **(A/N: I had to assign Sandy to the same voice actor with Shelby due to lack of info on the former's voice actor.)**


End file.
